Patterns can cause us a lot of unhappiness and leave us with the weight of the entire blame. And there might be nothing heavier than blame (except for me after Thai food).
However, many of us do not feel the guilt associated with patterns because we don’t see them. And when you can’t see the problem, you can’t fix it.
One issue with patterns going unseen is that we are left feeling like victims of circumstance, and we view life as unfair.
Don’t get me wrong, life can be unfair, but we shouldn’t throw ourselves a pity party on the regular.
Especially because NO ONE wants to attend.
I have been there. I have played victim to my own patterns and cried “woe-is-me” way more often that I would like to admit.
Okay, but what are patterns?
If you are unfamiliar to what I mean by patterns, I mean exactly that; patterns.
Have you ever dated the same guy over and over again but with a different name and different face?
You know, you always break up with these men for the same reason. For example, you ALWAYS date the guy that just left a long-term relationship, and you wonder why things didn’t work out. Or you date the guy that tells he doesn’t know what he wants, when you clearly know you want something serious, and then end up heartbroken because he decided that was not what he wanted.
I know this sounds like I am speaking from experience, but this is not my pattern. I have my own, but I feel like this is more relatable to other women (not gonna lie, patterns are easier to spot when they aren’t yours).
The point here is, that if you recognize the common denominator in these situations, you get to the real root of the issue.
The problem isn’t you, and it isn’t those men. You both may be perfectly fine humans, at the end.
The pattern here is that you keep dating the man that is not emotionally available but thinks he is. So you go along with it, like putting tape on a roof leak. When he realizes that he is not ready to delve back into a relationship or that he isn’t over his ex, you are left wondering what is wrong with you and why you have such bad luck in love.
….and then you meet another man, and he tells you “I just got out of a relationship.”
Instead of running for the hills, you stay.
However, if you just saw “I just got out of a relationship” as a red flag, and treated it as such, you would move on so much more easily because there wouldn’t be anything to move on from!
You wouldn’t even get the chance to get emotionally attached to a lost cause.
Pattern broken, problem solved.
To be honest, patterns aren’t easy to recognize because more often than not, we don’t want to see them. I think this is where journaling practices can help. Write it ALL down (click here for a hand cramp remedy, cause you are gonna need it, girl) and then compare. That’s when you will spot the similarities and have your “AHA!” moment.
This, of course, is easier said than done and takes practice (oh my gosh, sooooo much practice). But like a bad habit, patterns can be broken.
Patterns are applicable EVERYWHERE in life; in romance, work, friendships, family, etc.
Why do you keep quitting your job? Why do you have shitty friends? Why are you a shitty friend?
Because of those pesky patterns!
Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife! PATTERNS ARE EVERYWHERE.
The good news? Once you recognize them, you can take your own happiness into your own hands.
……but yeah, that’s just my opinion on patterns.